1. “Be reight.” – I’m so desperately sorry to hear of the awful time you’re going through, but I have faith and hope that things will sort themselves out.
2. “‘Ey up!” – How the devil are you, old friend?
3. “Yer brew’s mashin’.” – This exceedingly strong and exceptionally tasty cup of Yorkshire Tea will be with you shortly.
4. “It’s chuffin’ roastin’ out.” – It is March bank holiday and therefore I will not need my coat until October.
5. “Bagsy ‘avin a croggy!” – I’m now officially the first person to be allowed a ride on the back of your bicycle.
6. “‘Ow much?” – Do you really mean to tell me that I won’t get change from a tenner for this round?
7. “‘Eez int’bog.” – He’s visiting the lavatory at the present moment.
8. “That’s proper champion, that, lad.” – My dear child, I’ve frankly never been more proud of you.
9. “Gi’us a butty.” – Please may I have one of those delightful looking cheese-and-pickle sandwiches?
10. “Gi’us a chuddy.” – Please may I have some chewing gum? Those cheese-and-pickle sandwiches seem to have given me slightly putrid breath.
11. “Gi’or, yer too cack-‘anded.” – Look, just let me take over the preparation of this Yorkshire pudding mix, you’re frankly too clumsy to be trusted with it.
12. “I’m chuffed t’bits wi’ that.” – This is quite possibly the best news I’ve ever received.
13. “Ahm fair t’middlin’.” – I’m not doing too badly, thanks.
14. “‘E’s in fine fettle.” – He’s doing very well by all accounts – must have had a smashing trip to Skeggy.
15. “Tha’ knows.” – You understand, do you not?
16. “Mind you visit yer nan this weekend, she’s getting reight mardy.” – Be sure to take the time to visit your grandma this weekend, she’s starting to get a bit annoyed with you.
17. “‘quit mitherin’ stop complaining so much
18. “Eeh, yer daft ha’peth.” – My god, you fool, you’ve made quite the mistake here.
19. “Na’than thee, ‘ow’s tha’ lass?” – Why, hello, my friend, how the devil is your wife?
20. “Put wood in t’ole! Was tha’ born in a barn?” – Please shut the door. Where the dickens were you brought up that you think it’s OK to sit in a draft?
21. “‘Ow do, my love?” – Why hello, m’lady.
22 “‘Owt’s better than nowt.” – Well, it’s not quite the Sean Bean life-sized cutout I was hoping for, but I suppose this poster of him will do.
23. “‘E’s neither use nor ornament.” – That gentlemen serves quite literally no purpose on this earth.
24. “Where there’s muck, there’s brass.” – One can make a small fortune if one is willing to engage in dirty work.
25. “Did I ‘eckers like!” – Did I bunk off work to buy Def Leppard tour tickets? My god, of course not!
26. “Eeh I’ll go t’foot of stairs!” – It’s snowing in May? My goodness, I’m really quite surprised by this turn of events.e.
27. “Ah reckon nowt ter that.” – I don’t think much of your advice to stop drinking after five pints. What the devil is wrong with you?
28. “And ahm ‘appy as a pig in muck.” – And I’m really quite pleased about that.
29. “Wang it o’er.” – Please toss me that chunk of Wensleydale so that I can gnaw on it like an animal.
30. “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in ‘ere.” – I am your father and it is my responsibility to remind that you have left one light on in the house.
31. “If tha’s ‘ad beef dripping for dinner tha’s not ‘avin’ a chippy tea.” – If you had a delicious hot midday meal, you’re certainly not being treated to chips for your evening meal.
32. “Tha’ meks a better door than window.” – Please could you get out of the way of the television so I can finish watching Corrie, you careless lump?
33. “‘E’s a reight bobby dazzler.” – Alex Turner really scrubs up nicely when he’s in a suit, no?
Can you think of any more? lisa@caringtogether.org.uk
