Oh, I wish that I had a green thumb.
All my houseplants are looking quite glum.
I never can tell
Why they’re looking unwell
Or why so many succumb.

Have I failed to give enough water?
Have I watered them more than I oughta?
Are they getting too hot?
Is this not the right spot?
It’s like sending poor lambs to the slaughter.

The hard, undeniable fact is
Many succulents, ferns and a cactus,
A begonia, a fig,
Many palms, small and big,
Have been victims of my malpractice.

I confess I’m a serial killer.
Many end up as mulch or land filler.
I kill far more plants
Than snails, thrips or ants.
Or an army of green caterpillar!

Though houseplants are deemed beneficial,
Should these perish, then it is official:
I’ll waste no more dough
Just to watch ’em die slow,
For my next plants will be artificial!

Source: https://www familyfriendpoems com/poem/confessions-of-a-serial-plant-killer